I am a bad bad blogger!!

There's just too much going on at the moment! Its crazy!
OK so what have I been up too?

Well no 1, growing like you wouldn't believe! My bump feels massive but baby has only just started to put on weight so I'm just going to keep on expanding! How on earth is there going to be enough stretch in my skin?!?!?!?!?
We have another scan next week which I am very excited by! I guess in a way, I'm lucky I have MS because all of my friends who are preggers ate the mo, have had their final scan and won't see baby until its born but I've got three more! I'll update this with new pics once we've had it xxx

The things they don't really tell you about pregnancy!

I have read so many books, have lots of phone apps and spoken to everyone I know that has had a baby in the last few years and there are some things people don't really mention a lot about:

1. The hair!! And I'm not talking about the super thick head hair growth, I'm  talking tummy hair! Its crazy but I think my stomach is now rivaling my husbands for hairyness. Thankfully its Blondie not dark, but if it catches the sunlight, I can seriously rival chewbacca! I'm really hoping it all falls out after the birth otherwise I shall not be wearing a bikini without some serious waxing!

2. Constipation: all the pregnancy books mention this but none go into the horror of not being able to "go" for four days!! I know this is hardly conversation for polite society, but it's a nightmare! Its equally bizarre for me as my MS tends to have the opposite problem for me so this is weird! I'm trying really hard to put this in nice ways but its not exactly nice conversation!!

The other thing i am finding hard because there is no info on it is dealing with ms & pregnancy. I honestly cant be the only woman to get pregnant whilst having ms and yet there is nothing to help me through. A lot of the symptoms i am getting in pregnancy are similar to ms symptoms. The legs cramps which I'm getting at the moment are apparently common in second trimester but I get these anyway with MS and its so much harder to wriggle the cramp off when your legs are bad. The back ache as well is killer! How do you deal with a painful back when not only is it the pain but you also get odd spasms in it too! gggrrrr!

OK enough moaning! Tomorrow I am going to reclaim this website for its original purpose, showing MS does not mean you give up on life. For all the moaning I have actually done a lot in the past few weeks so I'll tell all tomorrow! xxx

wow, i can access this at work now!

Have just discovered that I can access this at work! Wicked!
OK so bump update! Well the bump is really making itself known to the world! It's huge and I'm only half way through! I'm now just waiting for the 20 week scan and to feel pip kick for the first time! Come on pip, kick!! I need to add some of my bump watch pics that my husband has been taking on here, that way the world can see the size of it!

On another note I am really starting to struggle clothes wise which is making the silly vain side of me cross! I love a summer dress and have so many pretty ones. Unfortunately they are all sitting in my wardrobe calling to me "oh but Emmy, pleeeeaaassseee wear us! We love the sunshine!" Instead of pretty dresses though I am still wearing jeans and leggings and tunic tops! I want pretty summer dresses!!!!! And summer sandals with heels!! Obviously with pregnancy you shouldn't wear heels too much but the joy of pregnancy AND MS is that this is not even an option :( Silly MS legs are being absolute pains at the moment! I swear someone has a little key and are tightening up all of the muscles in my legs making it hard to move them. If this is you and you have the key, please stop!!

Oooo not sure where that rant came from! OK on to happier things!

Had a lovely weekend! Went to Hampstead heath with hubby and two friends and their little boy for a picnic. It was so much fun and such a lovely sunny day (I even got a bit sun burnt, oops!). I love the summer so much, especially the change in mood it brings on most people! Everyone is so happy and smiley! It's really odd, because pre MS I wasn't a lover of summer. Pasty pale skin, hayfever and an abundance of freckles used to make it less than enjoyable for me. Since I've had MS the summer is my favourite! I used to love the Autumn & Winter. Going for long walks in the ever changing colours, stomping in the snow and how magical it made everything look! Now I hate it! I think this comes from the dreadful affect the cold has on my legs and also the fact that I can't do those long walks anymore and as for snow.... jeeez, I quite like being upright!
Ooh I'm in a funny mood today! This post has been all over!
We have friends coming for dinner tonight which is very exciting! They are pregnant as well and due a week before us!
Loads of love xxx

I really don't think I had realised how hard this was going to be

I don't want people to think that I am ungrateful or don't want to be pregnant but I don't think I quite comprehended how hard this was going to be.
My legs are as always the main issue for me. Before we started trying for a baby, they would always be the things that caused me the most problems but it was managable and I was a lot more mobile and able to keep them moving. Having been off meds for 2 years now I can really feel the change in them. They are so stiff and heavy and really painful, especially at night. I think that is what has inspired this moany post! Due to the pain in my legs I am not sleeping at all and waking up in agony needing to stretch. Obviously lack of sleep is not good at any time, even less so when your body is using everything it has to grow a new life!
I hate being a whinge as that is just not in my nature but I'm so tired and in so much pain I just want to scream!!
I need to keep focused on why my body is like this and the great thing that will be here in 5 months which I know will make all of this totally worth it. I think I'm just having  a down day and need to perk myself up!

On the positive side of things, my lovely husband painted the nursery yesterday!! This is no mean feat in itself as it has taken us a while to decide on a colour! At one point we had 12 patches of different paint on the wall and my baby/designer brain was not happy with any of them! "thats nice, but too grey" "yuk, hate that too dark!" "hmmm ok but it's too much on the grey side, needs some yellow in it" I think Ant was close to just painting it white and telling me to shut up! We eventually settled on a lovely shade of pale yellow which is great for either a boy or girl. The really daft thing about it is, when Ant was getting out all the painting equipment, he found the paint we used in the hallway, and guess what? It was practically the same colour we had gone for in the nursery! typical! xxxx

so, what's going on in baby growing world?

Well, I'm getting a lot bigger, the sickness has stopped and we've heard the bumps heartbeat again!!

Lets talk about my size first: this bump is huge! I love that you can now see that I am pregnant and not just getting fat. It's quite an odd feeling though. I keep imagining what it is going to be like in a couple of months time when I won't be able to see my feet. I'm also waiting to start feeling those magical kicks. All of the books/I-Phone apps we have say that I might be able to start feeling them from this week and I think I might have done but not sure! I think I want the bump to give me a huge kick so I know for sure!

Hearing the bumps heartbeat again was so magical. It was quite scary though as it took what seemed like an age to find it! According to Ant my face went from super happy smiley to almost in tears until they found it! It's such an amazing sound when they did. The best way I can describe it is like being under water hearing a really fast drum beat. Its amazing!!

I would say the only thing causing me problems at the moment are my legs. Not being on my medication for the past two years is really starting to show. My legs feel really un co-ordinated, I am tripping up quite a bit and my legs are so heavy it's really hard to lift them sometimes. Whilst I've been off the meds, when I have had these sort of relapsing symptoms, a course of steroids has done me the world of good and got me back to a cope-able level. Obviously taking steroids whilst pregnant is not an option so I have to just get on with it. I feel really awful wishing that I could have steroids because I know that they could cause problems for the baby but I really wish I could walk with a bit more ease. Am I mean? I keep worrying as well about when bump is here. If my legs stay this bad, will I be able to carry bump around the house? Will I be able to take bump for a walk if my legs are playing up? Will I be able to drive bump to Dr's appointments? When would I go back on meds because I really want to try and breast feed but you can't take meds at the same time so I'll need to wait until I've finished feeding. It's a really weird feeling because there is the majority of me that wants to do everything I can to make sure our baby is as well looked after whilst I'm growing her/him  but there is also a tiny selfish bit of me that wants to make sure that I'm OK and able to carry on with my life as best as possible. I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or what but I'm so up and down at the moment. I'm not sure where my head is. I'm excited but nervous, scared but really looking forward to the challenges. Pregnancy is such an odd yet so natural state to be in!

I love it though and really can't wait for pip to get here xxx

What a lazy lazy lazy lazy lazy lazxy blogger I am!!

Wow, I knew I hadn't updated this for a long time but didn't realise that time was 6 months long!!
OK, so what has happened in the last 6 months? Quite a lot actually! First off I passed my driving test!! Yippee! Hooray!! Woo Hoo!!! It was second time lucky but I did it! Very pleased with myself for doing it. It was no mean feat what with feeling a relapse coming on at the same time, but I did it and now have my lovely little car to go driving in! Vroom Vroom! Beep beep!

OK so apart from driving what else has been going on?? well not much..........unless getting pregnant isn't much!!!!!!!

After 18 months of trying we are now expecting our first little baby!!! I'm so excited!!!

We've had the three month scan and all looks good, this baby like to wriggle which is a good sign, it was having a good move around in the scan. It's due in September, will probably be born by elective c-section as my neuro thinks it will be too hard to give birth naturally due to the effect not being on meds whilst trying has had on my legs and back. This is a shame a I'm a bit squeemish about operations but as long as pip (when we found out I was pregnant s/he was the size of an apple pip, the name's just stuck) come into to the world safely & healthy I don't care!

I won't pretend that the last 18 months have been easy, I've really struggled with my MS and its been so hard at times, but getting that blue line on the test and seeing pip on the scan has made it all worth it!!

Well, that's enough writing for today, I don't want to over do it on my first day back !!! But tomorrow you can  expect more past 6 months detail i.e going to New York, turning 30!!

xxxxx

finally an update!

Sorry I've been so lazy and not updated this for a few weeks, it's been a combination of being super busy but also have nothing of interest to write about!
My friend in oz messaged me this morning saying she wishes I had updated because she likes knowing all the news!
So here we go........
The last two weeks have been pretty dull all in all! We have had some great low key evenings with friends involving too much wine drinking, eating yummy food and playing mine and hubbies new favourite game Articulate! This is so much fun especially when you've had a few drinks! I really loved playing it on Thursday round Laura's. It was me and Laur on one team and Hubbie and our friend Paul on another. The boys are both football mad and their strategy for winning was relating every answer to football! I'm not sure if that's cheating cause Laur and I had no chance of guessing their answers! Cheats! :)

Friday was interesting as we went to an audition for a game show! Was really fun! We were in a group of about 20 pairs and had to answer questions in the group and Hubbie and I rocked! There were about 20 questions and we answered 13 of them! Not sure if we've got through  but will keep you all posted!

Yesterday we went to chessington with my nephew Harvey, our friends and their little girl Matilda.

 Was a really fun but tiring day. We went on pretty much every ride (thanks MS for having one use, QUE JUMPING!), the kids had a great time and H was such a good boy we bought him a buzz light year toy which has been a joy this morning ;}

My favourite bits of the day we the bubbleworks, hubbie got soaked when he leaned back into the water jets to avoid me and H splashing him, the monkey swing cause H&M demanded they sat on the outside not realising they would get soaked! The poor things were dripping when they got off!
Below are some pics from the day

Right got to go as we are skyping another friend in oz! this has been a bit of a non flowing post but will update more in the week! xxx

What a rubbish blogger I am!

I realised this morning I have not updated this for ages! There hasn't been an awful lot going on so thought it would be dull!
Anyway, here's what I've been doing:

Last Saturday we went to hubbies cousins for a BBQ and it was such a great day! Their two little girls are gorgeous!

They are both so smiley and lovely and it's brilliant now J is talking a lot. She's such a clever little girl, at a very young age, she can already count to 15 and knows her ABC, she's a child genius! She is also very funny. It was time for her bath and she didn't want to have it so her dad said to her "if you're not clean the flies will get you" so off she went and when she came back we all said how lovely and clean she looked. J replied with "No flies on me!" brilliant! Her little sis H is fun too, she's such a happy little thing and it's quite funny to watch how sibling relationships develop. The way they are around each other now reminds me of when me and my sis were little. I used to get so annoyed with her pinching my things, but now I couldn't be without her. She's been on holiday for the past two weeks and I've really missed our daily catch ups. Hopefully J&H will grow up to be just as close.

Went to see the Neuro on Thursday and was one of the most positive meetings I've had with her. We talked about my medication and how I can go on Tysabari, which is great as my friends are on it and it seems to be so good! She also said she is not going to be as tough on steroids administration whilst I am off the Rebif so that is good! You are only meant to have them at 6 month intervals max, so it's good she will let me have them if I need them at shorter intervals..

Oh, almost forgot! I passed my driving theory test last Friday! I've booked my practical now and have to really gear myself up for this! To help, hubbie has said he will buy me a car for my 30th, which is brilliant, can't believe I might be driving soon scary!

OK, this has been a little boring, but I promise I will do something exciting next time! xxx

Boring!!!

Sorry I've not updated this all week, it's been a rather dull one!
I've been getting over my cold, going to work, revising for my theory test and sleeping! All rather dull really!
I think the only exciting thing that has happened this week is our drains getting blocked which has been a nightmare! We've had this a couple of times in the flat but not nearly this bad! We had yucky water over flowing from the toilet and the sinks in bathroom and kitchen blocked! Nightmare! We had to go to our friends to use the loo, bless Laura she was really good!
After 6 HOURS the management company that look after our flat sent someone out, and that took ages as they had helpfully covered up access to the drains with some green shrubs. I really hate our management company, they take ages to fix anything, do the job shoddily and expect the owners (i.e us) of the flats to be grateful that they came out at all!! Grr! They shall be getting a very nasty letter from me that is for sure!
Anyway, enough ranting, I need to carry on my revision ready for tomorrow! Will update and let you know how I do!

I've been useless

I started writting this blog to show having MS doesn't mean the end of the world, and yet I have done nothing but moan and be dull on here for the past few weeks. Sorry people!
I've just been having a bit of a tricky time of it lately. First there is all the stuff with Mum, which has been on my mind constantly and we have just found out that the cause of it may have been down to her Dr! Mum got put on the pill last month as she was told she was too old for the injection (how is 50 old?) and my sister did some research into the one she was on and it quite clearly states that this should not be given to anyone with a high blood pressure (which mum has) and should not be given to people with Neurological conditions such as MS! And the real joy of all of this is that one of the side effects may be causing strokes! I am so cross at mums Dr, I have a good mind to go down there and tell all the other patients exactly what they did and what happened! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Secondly, this cold I have has been a nightmare. What started off as a sniffly nose has turned into a full blown chest infection resulting in antibiotic taking. It has also scared the heck out of me. When I get a cold my walking gets affected a bit but it's still manageable. This time has been different. Monday and Tuesday were very scary as my ankles were turning in on themselves and I couldn't stand or walk. I was so scared. I just started thinking "what if the rest of my life is going to be like this?" it broke my heart and all I could do was cry into my husbands shoulder and babble.
Thankfully, since Thursday, my walking has been great and I even did a Driving lesson this morning but it has really made me think, I need to do more exercise, I need to learn to relax and not keep going when I am exhausted.
So life has been a b***h these last few weeks, but I'm thinking onwards and upwards. No more being down, only up! We are seeing mum this weekend so that will be good, and I'm planning on relaxing so that I can get on with things in my usual sunshine way xxx

There's always payment for having fun!

Had a fab weekend! The lovely KJ came round Friday, we went to Bingo, came back to play cards and did too many shots as Kels and I were rubbish at cards!
Saturday was spent in a retro Em & Kels way. Husband went to watch football, KJ and I stayed in our pyjamas all day watching John Hughes films, the Hollyoakes omnibus, drinking loads of tea and getting Thai take away! Such a lovely day! The problem with growing up is that you don't get to spend weekends doing nothing anymore
:(. There's always housework, or family to visit, or weddings, Christenings, friends kids birthdays etc etc!
Would be wicked to go back in time and say to 18 year old me, enjoy doing nothing, you'll be busy with a million things in 11 years time and never get a chance just to be lazy!

The problem with having this much fun doing nothing, is my body finally relaxed and caught a cold, grrrrrr!
So I am keeping this short and sweet today so that I can avoid my runny nose dripping and try to sleep!
Night all xxx

What a week

This has been one heck of a crazy week, sorry about not updating this!
My mum had a stroke on Friday. This was very scary. You always assume that parents are indestructible, I know mum has MS too, but shw deals with it and just had to modify life. No biggy, but this has been different. For a start it has effected the left side of her body. Her MS affects the right side, so she was not able to move really. Her face dropped and her left leg would not move. I'm not sure if the MS made it worse?
There was also talk of it being an MS related stroke. They thought one of the legions from the MS had broken free and caused a blood clot. They have since found this not to be the case and that it has been caused by her arteries in her neck being furred up.
This is interesting as the studies into MS and the CCSVI treatment they have been doing, suggests that this is a common problem in MS and the treatment they have been doing to clear this up, is similar to what they were going to do to mum.
Unfortunately, they will not be doing this treatment anymore. Instead they are giving her crystals. I have no idea what this treatment involves but hopefully it will sort it out for her. It will be interesting to see if this treatment will do what the CCSVI treatment does for MS.

Sorry to keep this short but I'm exhausted! The lovely Miss James is coming round tonight and I need to get my strength up! xxx

ok, full festival debrief!

What an amazing weekend! I did something I thought I would never do again and it was amazing!
Before Mystery S, I loved a good festival. Wandering in a field for a weekend, wearing flowers in my hair, seeing loads of cool bands and drinking more cider than is good for you was my idea of fun! After MS, I thought my festival days were over. How on earth could I possibly wander round fields when my legs barely let me wander round the shops? Thankfully husband and friends are even more "don't let this beat you" than I am and as a team effort I conquered the big chill!

First hurdle- Camping. Now my wonderful husband has never really been one for camping. I on the other hand loved nothing more than my DoE awards and festivals, getting muddy, sleeping in what is basically an over sized plastic bag and getting down with nature! Putting up the tent was going to be tricky anyway with my reduced mobility and doubly so with Ants broken arm! But we did it! The tent came up pretty fuss free and stayed up all weekend- result!

Second hurdle- Getting around. As mentioned before my legs get far too tired to wander for ages so we took the dreaded chair. On the whole, this wasn't too bad. Poor ant had difficulties pushing me around cause of his arm, but our lovely friends took it in turn to push over the super bumpy bits and we did it! I would like to say thanks to the people at big chill for letting us use the backstage metal paths and also add more of these next year, makes life so much easier!

Having the chair also helped when there weren't enough seats for us all! I always had one and it made life much easier!

The only really difficult bit we had was getting to the monkey bar. My lovely friend Lucie does the PR for the whiskey brand and we wanted to get up there to see her and do the graffiti T's that she had organised (see pics). This was one heck of a mission but we did and it was well worth it! (Thanks for the cocktail too Luce)

Third possible problem- drinking. I used to be able to keep up with the boys when drinking but MS has meant I am now the worlds cheapest date and drinks go straight to my legs! Silly amounts of whiskey cocktails and pear cider meant by about 2pm on the Friday i was ready for bed!

A little bit tipsy (can you you tell? ;)

We managed to get back to the tent, I had a sleep and was good to go again!It was a lesson learnt and I paced myself for the rest of the weekend!

We saw loads of fab bands, won the music quiz, did rockyoaki, I danced a bit, spent loads of time with our lovely friends and am still exhausted from it all!

I'm gonna put loads of pics below so have a look and a giggle!

Claire and Nik, my standing support team!

Gregg and the monkey cocktail bar- mission to get to, but drinks worth it!

deep in music quiz thought

drinky drinky!

My gorgeous boy

Pulling off festi fashion!

Singing my heart out!

The winning team! working the red visor look!

Thanks for this crazy stranger!

Ant and our music quiz prize!!!

Was such a fab weekend! Def do it again next year! Now I'm off to bed, still catching up on sleep! xxx

back from the festival!!

And in one piece! I'm too tired to go into massive detail about it now but will update tomorrow properly. Heres a photo to show some of the fun we had!

A&E but not for me

Ok, so it's 10 past one in the morning. I was really looking forward to an early night but instead I'm sat in A&E cause husband boy may have fractured his wrist at football. I don't mind the hospital we're in as Ant proposed in this very same x-ray ward. I do mind being exhausted! I wish they had some kind of system where if your partner has an illness that requires ridiculous amounts of sleep so she could function properly, you could Que jump. Alas they don't. I think I might write to someone and suggest this. Blogging to kill time when already tired is probably not the best option but hey go. Thought I'd share this with you all. Right off to see if I can find a comfy sleeping position on stiff un-comfy a&e chairs zzzzzzzzzz