Amazing week!

Hi all!
Just had to write and say what a fab week/end i've had recently!

Last weekend was ace! We took our daughter into town on saturday for a nice walk along embankment. Was a bit of a crummy day weatherwise but me wise was ace! We took my wheelchair as the legs have not been great but I was able to get myself up & down stairs and I walked for ages pushing my chair which was ace!! EC loved it too, although I think she got a bit bored of mummy & daddy stopping to point out attractions!

this has just been a good week in general for my legs, i've driven and walked quite a lot which is a vast improvement!

Here's hoping it gets even better next week xxx

sooooo what's happened since my last post.......

Wll, quite a bit really!

1. I became a year older. I am now longer 30 but 30something.... it's a bit odd being this old. I often still think of myself as a 20something and I still wish I had that carefree life with legs that work and that feeling that I can do anything whenever I want.

2. We are trying to move house at the moment and unfortunately the sale of our place fell through. This is so annoying as I'd already got myself living in the house we've had an offer accepted on and now I think it's going to fall through :0(
I shouldn't complain too much. We live in a nice flat, that in reality, is plenty big enough for us, I just really have my heart set on a move to a house with a garden and more storage space. I want to be able to keep all of our babys newborn stuff, and for that we need a loft. I also want a garden. I think, that by having a space that it ours, I will be able to sit outside, soak up the vitamin D and I hope that might help the MS a bit. I also feel that having stairs will be great for me as I will be using different muscles in my legs and building up my strength. Anyone that reads this, please keep your fingers crossed for me that someone will buy our flat and we can move!

3. The last few days have seen me get a bit more physical. I started on Tysabri in January and I think it's helping me. As a result of this I'm now trying hard to do more to push myself and get moving again. I've been doing more driving, which is helping my confidense and getting me out more. I've also been doing little walks with my daughter and her pushchair. This might sound sillt to my more abled bodied readers, but I never thought life would be so blooming hard when I was growing up. I just assumed that i'd have a baby and be able to do lots of running around with them, dancing that sort of stuff. Now the thought of being able to do even hopskotch with them seems like a dream!
I think I'm going through a bit of a "why me!!!" thing at the moment. I'm pissed off that I have this stupid illness, feeling very sorry for myself & really guilty that my husband has to put up with this and my daughter might not be able to do some of the things I loved doing with my mum.

So to get me out of this grump I'm doing something crazy!!!!

I really wanted to do this before I was told I had mystery S, but just didnt think i'd get the oppertunity. Then las month, the MS Trust newsletter came through the door and said I could do one to raise money for them.

So what am I doing?

Skydiving!!! http://www.mstrust.org.uk/fundraising/events/parachuting/jumpinjune.jsp

The MS trust do a "jump in June" fundraiser and I'm going to be jumping out of a plane to raise money!!
My friends have been so generous with sponsorship but every bit helps!

If you feel like helping me raise money, please donate to the link below



Thank you!
Till next time xxxxx

getting into bad old habbits!

I've been a lazy blogger again, bad me! A lot of it isn't my fault, busy mum, crazy tired all the time and think I may be having a b it of a relapse :0(

But positive things!!

My baby girl is 6 months old today! It's gone so quickly its crazy! I love that she has a proper personality now, giggles loads and is super smiley, but I really cant believe how quickly this time has gone! It only seems like yesterday that we bought home the tiny little thing who was so delicate and didn't fit into normal sized newborn stuff! Now she's a big girl, in proper grown up girl clothes, in her own cot and really strong (as the poor cats have come to realise with the fur grabbing!)!
Shes also eating solids now which is great fun! We're going to a wedding at the weekend (will post pics of my dress, its gorgeous!) and shes going to have pots of food rather than mummy's homemade mush! That will be fun, as I'm not sure how her feeding will work with our eating too!

Ive noticed this week how much I don't worry about my appearance so much since having Ellie. Its only because we are going to this wedding that I've thought "hmmm these nails are messy, need sorting. These eyebrows are crazy must get them threaded. Yep hair is crazy, need a cut and colour". I think by Saturday when I'm all dressed up, my husband will think he's gone back in time!

Ive also been trying out a new thing to see if it helps my core muscles. My sister gave me her slender tone belt as I was moaning about mummy tummy and as well as helping improve my tum a bit, its had a brilliant effect on my back pain! I think, using that, combined with exercise might be what I have been looking for the past 3 years!!

Its the 5 year anniversary of being diagnosed this week. Its weird when I think about it, and I'm a bit teary writing this. This time 6 years ago, I was "normal" Em, running around, being silly, not scared of doing anything and not worrying about being able to do simple things. I had so much ambition and loads of plans about what I was going to do. A year later it all came crashing down (along with my legs which decided to give way!). I try, really really hard, to be normal, but sometimes its impossible. I cant complain too much though. The day before I was diagnosed, my father in law was given the all clear from cancer, and that was amazing, although my news was shit I was over the moon for his news. And although my legs are crap, I'm still here, have an amazing husband, daughter, family & friends. Life's hard, but I think its made me stronger.

Ohhhhhh!! Enough of the "poor me" rubbish!
Its my birthday on Sunday and I'm really looking forward to seeing my mates! Also on Monday I'm getting a tattoo done! I had two stars done on my back a month before I got married, one for my husband, one for me. Now I'm getting Ellie added to my family of stars! xxxxxx

The wonderful thing about Tysaberi, is Tysaberi's a wonderful thing

Since my post last week things have been very good!
I had my second Tysaberi infusion and I'm feeling amazing!!
This medication is not meant to improve my MS, only reduce my relapse rate, but so far its making me feel brilliant. I am able to do things with my legs that I've not been able to do for ages (that sounds weird (and possibly a bit rude!) but I'll explain). I've found for the past few years that I have been unable to move my legs without man handling them, so crossing my legs meant grabbing my knee and putting it on top of the other, getting in and out of the shower meant lifting my legs over the bath, getting in and out of the car the same thing (you get the picture). But last night I was able to lift my legs to cross them, get in the lotus position and many others! I think my husband was getting a bit bored after the 30th time of me going"look baby, look! I can do this!!!!!!" but he's very happy. Another thing I've noticed is that I'm not dragging my feet as much either which is great.
Like I said before, I'm not sure if its the meds or if its a combination of being on a good medication encouraging me to do my exercises and just my general mind set of being positive now I'm back on meds, but I feel brilliant & that life is back on track now!!
I think a huge sign off difference is my reaction to the weather. Normally snow is a nightmare for me with the cold, but I really feel OK.
Buying a pretty new dress in my pre baby size for a friends wedding might also have helped!! I'll post pics of that when we've been!! xxxxxx

I am a bad bad bad blogger!!

OK, so what has happened since my last post? Loads!!!!
My lack of posting is down to many reasons. If we start in June from my last post...........

My gorgeous little baby decided that they wanted to try and make an early appearance! Because of my low amniotic fluid levels and a couple of scares with babies growth I had to go to hospital every other day for scans of the babies heart rate and in to see the consultant once a week to decide on the best plan of action!!
This was a very scary time and there were a few occasions where we thought our little love was going to be a few months early!
Thankfully we ended up seeing a different consultant who was amazing and stopped our fears.
Eventually, 3 weeks early I gave birth to a beautiful little girl!

Ellie

She was so tiny when she was born, a teensy 5lbs 12oz and felt so fragile! Its was such a change in lifestyle when we got her home! We knew it would be, but I don't think either myself or my husband realised how different our lives would be!!

Those early days were a massive learning curve, from feeding and the times she wanted food, nappy changing (especially the early poo explosions!), bath time, sleeping, playing, carrying etc etc so much to learn!! Its been good fun though!

And now, the tiny person, who wasn't even half the size of her moses basket when we brought her home, is big enough to go into her own room, can turn over, chatters away in cute baby noises, sleeps through the night and is learning to eat solids!!!

Everything flys by so quickly!!!

And now she's bigger, we have decided that little girls have far too much stuff and we need to buy a bigger house!

I think my husband and I are incapable of just relaxing, we are always doing something!

I need to write about the trials of being an MS mummy, but that will be for another post :0)

Now I've settled into mummyhood I am going to keep up with this blog and make sure that I do a once a week update at least!! xxxx

I am a bad bad blogger!!

There's just too much going on at the moment! Its crazy!
OK so what have I been up too?

Well no 1, growing like you wouldn't believe! My bump feels massive but baby has only just started to put on weight so I'm just going to keep on expanding! How on earth is there going to be enough stretch in my skin?!?!?!?!?
We have another scan next week which I am very excited by! I guess in a way, I'm lucky I have MS because all of my friends who are preggers ate the mo, have had their final scan and won't see baby until its born but I've got three more! I'll update this with new pics once we've had it xxx

The things they don't really tell you about pregnancy!

I have read so many books, have lots of phone apps and spoken to everyone I know that has had a baby in the last few years and there are some things people don't really mention a lot about:

1. The hair!! And I'm not talking about the super thick head hair growth, I'm  talking tummy hair! Its crazy but I think my stomach is now rivaling my husbands for hairyness. Thankfully its Blondie not dark, but if it catches the sunlight, I can seriously rival chewbacca! I'm really hoping it all falls out after the birth otherwise I shall not be wearing a bikini without some serious waxing!

2. Constipation: all the pregnancy books mention this but none go into the horror of not being able to "go" for four days!! I know this is hardly conversation for polite society, but it's a nightmare! Its equally bizarre for me as my MS tends to have the opposite problem for me so this is weird! I'm trying really hard to put this in nice ways but its not exactly nice conversation!!

The other thing i am finding hard because there is no info on it is dealing with ms & pregnancy. I honestly cant be the only woman to get pregnant whilst having ms and yet there is nothing to help me through. A lot of the symptoms i am getting in pregnancy are similar to ms symptoms. The legs cramps which I'm getting at the moment are apparently common in second trimester but I get these anyway with MS and its so much harder to wriggle the cramp off when your legs are bad. The back ache as well is killer! How do you deal with a painful back when not only is it the pain but you also get odd spasms in it too! gggrrrr!

OK enough moaning! Tomorrow I am going to reclaim this website for its original purpose, showing MS does not mean you give up on life. For all the moaning I have actually done a lot in the past few weeks so I'll tell all tomorrow! xxx

wow, i can access this at work now!

Have just discovered that I can access this at work! Wicked!
OK so bump update! Well the bump is really making itself known to the world! It's huge and I'm only half way through! I'm now just waiting for the 20 week scan and to feel pip kick for the first time! Come on pip, kick!! I need to add some of my bump watch pics that my husband has been taking on here, that way the world can see the size of it!

On another note I am really starting to struggle clothes wise which is making the silly vain side of me cross! I love a summer dress and have so many pretty ones. Unfortunately they are all sitting in my wardrobe calling to me "oh but Emmy, pleeeeaaassseee wear us! We love the sunshine!" Instead of pretty dresses though I am still wearing jeans and leggings and tunic tops! I want pretty summer dresses!!!!! And summer sandals with heels!! Obviously with pregnancy you shouldn't wear heels too much but the joy of pregnancy AND MS is that this is not even an option :( Silly MS legs are being absolute pains at the moment! I swear someone has a little key and are tightening up all of the muscles in my legs making it hard to move them. If this is you and you have the key, please stop!!

Oooo not sure where that rant came from! OK on to happier things!

Had a lovely weekend! Went to Hampstead heath with hubby and two friends and their little boy for a picnic. It was so much fun and such a lovely sunny day (I even got a bit sun burnt, oops!). I love the summer so much, especially the change in mood it brings on most people! Everyone is so happy and smiley! It's really odd, because pre MS I wasn't a lover of summer. Pasty pale skin, hayfever and an abundance of freckles used to make it less than enjoyable for me. Since I've had MS the summer is my favourite! I used to love the Autumn & Winter. Going for long walks in the ever changing colours, stomping in the snow and how magical it made everything look! Now I hate it! I think this comes from the dreadful affect the cold has on my legs and also the fact that I can't do those long walks anymore and as for snow.... jeeez, I quite like being upright!
Ooh I'm in a funny mood today! This post has been all over!
We have friends coming for dinner tonight which is very exciting! They are pregnant as well and due a week before us!
Loads of love xxx

I really don't think I had realised how hard this was going to be

I don't want people to think that I am ungrateful or don't want to be pregnant but I don't think I quite comprehended how hard this was going to be.
My legs are as always the main issue for me. Before we started trying for a baby, they would always be the things that caused me the most problems but it was managable and I was a lot more mobile and able to keep them moving. Having been off meds for 2 years now I can really feel the change in them. They are so stiff and heavy and really painful, especially at night. I think that is what has inspired this moany post! Due to the pain in my legs I am not sleeping at all and waking up in agony needing to stretch. Obviously lack of sleep is not good at any time, even less so when your body is using everything it has to grow a new life!
I hate being a whinge as that is just not in my nature but I'm so tired and in so much pain I just want to scream!!
I need to keep focused on why my body is like this and the great thing that will be here in 5 months which I know will make all of this totally worth it. I think I'm just having  a down day and need to perk myself up!

On the positive side of things, my lovely husband painted the nursery yesterday!! This is no mean feat in itself as it has taken us a while to decide on a colour! At one point we had 12 patches of different paint on the wall and my baby/designer brain was not happy with any of them! "thats nice, but too grey" "yuk, hate that too dark!" "hmmm ok but it's too much on the grey side, needs some yellow in it" I think Ant was close to just painting it white and telling me to shut up! We eventually settled on a lovely shade of pale yellow which is great for either a boy or girl. The really daft thing about it is, when Ant was getting out all the painting equipment, he found the paint we used in the hallway, and guess what? It was practically the same colour we had gone for in the nursery! typical! xxxx

so, what's going on in baby growing world?

Well, I'm getting a lot bigger, the sickness has stopped and we've heard the bumps heartbeat again!!

Lets talk about my size first: this bump is huge! I love that you can now see that I am pregnant and not just getting fat. It's quite an odd feeling though. I keep imagining what it is going to be like in a couple of months time when I won't be able to see my feet. I'm also waiting to start feeling those magical kicks. All of the books/I-Phone apps we have say that I might be able to start feeling them from this week and I think I might have done but not sure! I think I want the bump to give me a huge kick so I know for sure!

Hearing the bumps heartbeat again was so magical. It was quite scary though as it took what seemed like an age to find it! According to Ant my face went from super happy smiley to almost in tears until they found it! It's such an amazing sound when they did. The best way I can describe it is like being under water hearing a really fast drum beat. Its amazing!!

I would say the only thing causing me problems at the moment are my legs. Not being on my medication for the past two years is really starting to show. My legs feel really un co-ordinated, I am tripping up quite a bit and my legs are so heavy it's really hard to lift them sometimes. Whilst I've been off the meds, when I have had these sort of relapsing symptoms, a course of steroids has done me the world of good and got me back to a cope-able level. Obviously taking steroids whilst pregnant is not an option so I have to just get on with it. I feel really awful wishing that I could have steroids because I know that they could cause problems for the baby but I really wish I could walk with a bit more ease. Am I mean? I keep worrying as well about when bump is here. If my legs stay this bad, will I be able to carry bump around the house? Will I be able to take bump for a walk if my legs are playing up? Will I be able to drive bump to Dr's appointments? When would I go back on meds because I really want to try and breast feed but you can't take meds at the same time so I'll need to wait until I've finished feeding. It's a really weird feeling because there is the majority of me that wants to do everything I can to make sure our baby is as well looked after whilst I'm growing her/him  but there is also a tiny selfish bit of me that wants to make sure that I'm OK and able to carry on with my life as best as possible. I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or what but I'm so up and down at the moment. I'm not sure where my head is. I'm excited but nervous, scared but really looking forward to the challenges. Pregnancy is such an odd yet so natural state to be in!

I love it though and really can't wait for pip to get here xxx

What a lazy lazy lazy lazy lazy lazxy blogger I am!!

Wow, I knew I hadn't updated this for a long time but didn't realise that time was 6 months long!!
OK, so what has happened in the last 6 months? Quite a lot actually! First off I passed my driving test!! Yippee! Hooray!! Woo Hoo!!! It was second time lucky but I did it! Very pleased with myself for doing it. It was no mean feat what with feeling a relapse coming on at the same time, but I did it and now have my lovely little car to go driving in! Vroom Vroom! Beep beep!

OK so apart from driving what else has been going on?? well not much..........unless getting pregnant isn't much!!!!!!!

After 18 months of trying we are now expecting our first little baby!!! I'm so excited!!!

We've had the three month scan and all looks good, this baby like to wriggle which is a good sign, it was having a good move around in the scan. It's due in September, will probably be born by elective c-section as my neuro thinks it will be too hard to give birth naturally due to the effect not being on meds whilst trying has had on my legs and back. This is a shame a I'm a bit squeemish about operations but as long as pip (when we found out I was pregnant s/he was the size of an apple pip, the name's just stuck) come into to the world safely & healthy I don't care!

I won't pretend that the last 18 months have been easy, I've really struggled with my MS and its been so hard at times, but getting that blue line on the test and seeing pip on the scan has made it all worth it!!

Well, that's enough writing for today, I don't want to over do it on my first day back !!! But tomorrow you can  expect more past 6 months detail i.e going to New York, turning 30!!

xxxxx

finally an update!

Sorry I've been so lazy and not updated this for a few weeks, it's been a combination of being super busy but also have nothing of interest to write about!
My friend in oz messaged me this morning saying she wishes I had updated because she likes knowing all the news!
So here we go........
The last two weeks have been pretty dull all in all! We have had some great low key evenings with friends involving too much wine drinking, eating yummy food and playing mine and hubbies new favourite game Articulate! This is so much fun especially when you've had a few drinks! I really loved playing it on Thursday round Laura's. It was me and Laur on one team and Hubbie and our friend Paul on another. The boys are both football mad and their strategy for winning was relating every answer to football! I'm not sure if that's cheating cause Laur and I had no chance of guessing their answers! Cheats! :)

Friday was interesting as we went to an audition for a game show! Was really fun! We were in a group of about 20 pairs and had to answer questions in the group and Hubbie and I rocked! There were about 20 questions and we answered 13 of them! Not sure if we've got through  but will keep you all posted!

Yesterday we went to chessington with my nephew Harvey, our friends and their little girl Matilda.

 Was a really fun but tiring day. We went on pretty much every ride (thanks MS for having one use, QUE JUMPING!), the kids had a great time and H was such a good boy we bought him a buzz light year toy which has been a joy this morning ;}

My favourite bits of the day we the bubbleworks, hubbie got soaked when he leaned back into the water jets to avoid me and H splashing him, the monkey swing cause H&M demanded they sat on the outside not realising they would get soaked! The poor things were dripping when they got off!
Below are some pics from the day

Right got to go as we are skyping another friend in oz! this has been a bit of a non flowing post but will update more in the week! xxx

What a rubbish blogger I am!

I realised this morning I have not updated this for ages! There hasn't been an awful lot going on so thought it would be dull!
Anyway, here's what I've been doing:

Last Saturday we went to hubbies cousins for a BBQ and it was such a great day! Their two little girls are gorgeous!

They are both so smiley and lovely and it's brilliant now J is talking a lot. She's such a clever little girl, at a very young age, she can already count to 15 and knows her ABC, she's a child genius! She is also very funny. It was time for her bath and she didn't want to have it so her dad said to her "if you're not clean the flies will get you" so off she went and when she came back we all said how lovely and clean she looked. J replied with "No flies on me!" brilliant! Her little sis H is fun too, she's such a happy little thing and it's quite funny to watch how sibling relationships develop. The way they are around each other now reminds me of when me and my sis were little. I used to get so annoyed with her pinching my things, but now I couldn't be without her. She's been on holiday for the past two weeks and I've really missed our daily catch ups. Hopefully J&H will grow up to be just as close.

Went to see the Neuro on Thursday and was one of the most positive meetings I've had with her. We talked about my medication and how I can go on Tysabari, which is great as my friends are on it and it seems to be so good! She also said she is not going to be as tough on steroids administration whilst I am off the Rebif so that is good! You are only meant to have them at 6 month intervals max, so it's good she will let me have them if I need them at shorter intervals..

Oh, almost forgot! I passed my driving theory test last Friday! I've booked my practical now and have to really gear myself up for this! To help, hubbie has said he will buy me a car for my 30th, which is brilliant, can't believe I might be driving soon scary!

OK, this has been a little boring, but I promise I will do something exciting next time! xxx

Boring!!!

Sorry I've not updated this all week, it's been a rather dull one!
I've been getting over my cold, going to work, revising for my theory test and sleeping! All rather dull really!
I think the only exciting thing that has happened this week is our drains getting blocked which has been a nightmare! We've had this a couple of times in the flat but not nearly this bad! We had yucky water over flowing from the toilet and the sinks in bathroom and kitchen blocked! Nightmare! We had to go to our friends to use the loo, bless Laura she was really good!
After 6 HOURS the management company that look after our flat sent someone out, and that took ages as they had helpfully covered up access to the drains with some green shrubs. I really hate our management company, they take ages to fix anything, do the job shoddily and expect the owners (i.e us) of the flats to be grateful that they came out at all!! Grr! They shall be getting a very nasty letter from me that is for sure!
Anyway, enough ranting, I need to carry on my revision ready for tomorrow! Will update and let you know how I do!

I've been useless

I started writting this blog to show having MS doesn't mean the end of the world, and yet I have done nothing but moan and be dull on here for the past few weeks. Sorry people!
I've just been having a bit of a tricky time of it lately. First there is all the stuff with Mum, which has been on my mind constantly and we have just found out that the cause of it may have been down to her Dr! Mum got put on the pill last month as she was told she was too old for the injection (how is 50 old?) and my sister did some research into the one she was on and it quite clearly states that this should not be given to anyone with a high blood pressure (which mum has) and should not be given to people with Neurological conditions such as MS! And the real joy of all of this is that one of the side effects may be causing strokes! I am so cross at mums Dr, I have a good mind to go down there and tell all the other patients exactly what they did and what happened! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Secondly, this cold I have has been a nightmare. What started off as a sniffly nose has turned into a full blown chest infection resulting in antibiotic taking. It has also scared the heck out of me. When I get a cold my walking gets affected a bit but it's still manageable. This time has been different. Monday and Tuesday were very scary as my ankles were turning in on themselves and I couldn't stand or walk. I was so scared. I just started thinking "what if the rest of my life is going to be like this?" it broke my heart and all I could do was cry into my husbands shoulder and babble.
Thankfully, since Thursday, my walking has been great and I even did a Driving lesson this morning but it has really made me think, I need to do more exercise, I need to learn to relax and not keep going when I am exhausted.
So life has been a b***h these last few weeks, but I'm thinking onwards and upwards. No more being down, only up! We are seeing mum this weekend so that will be good, and I'm planning on relaxing so that I can get on with things in my usual sunshine way xxx